so, micah has weaned...

...and it feels just right. we were both ready, he only needed a tiny nudge from me, and while it feels a teensy bit bitter-sweet, it's a whole lot less so than i expected it to be!

i've been ready for this for most of the fall, but i just wasn't sure whether micah was or not. i had this thought that he really needed to wean -- that our nursing relationship was no longer the beautiful, healthy, nurturning thing it had been for so long, but rather was holding him back in some way. i can't quite put my finger on it, but he seems clearly ready to be moving to a new place (there's been a lot of that totally age-appropriate separating-from-mom stuff that he's doing which is driving me kinda crazy because it's a lot of one step forward two steps back, and the two steps back involve a lot of clinginess on the one hand and lashing out/limit-testing on the other. that, and a lot of night waking. sigh.) my intuition was telling me that our nursing relationship was holding him back in some way. but i wasnt' sure. what if our nursing relationship was actually the thing that was helping him through? what if he really needed his nursies to get through this feeling nurtured and secure?

i had decided i would push a tiny bit over our vacation, and see how it went, but in the end i didn't need to. with all the excitement of christmas -- multiple church services, parties, presents, visiting relatives -- he totally forgot to even ask on christmas eve and christmas day. then we flew to arizona, drove to the desert, and set up camp -- and again, he never asked. on the fifth day, when we went to the library to escape the rain -- he asked once, but i easily put him off. he asked a couple of times when we were backpacking in the desert and he was a little miserable, but again, he was pretty easily put off.

when we returned home, he started asking with a bit more frequency, but it was never very hard to say no, and so i decided we were definitely going to be done. i always offer a cuddle instead, and now he only asks maybe once a week if that.

i decided that if he forgot to ask when things were stressful/exciting/new, and only started asking again when we landed back into our routine ... well then, it seemed to me that this was much more of a habit and less of a coping mechanism. and so there you have it -- we're done!

micah was 15 days when he started nursing, and 3.75 years when he stopped. all together, i was lactating/nursing for 4.25 years. and if i do say so myself, i'm kinda proud of that fact!

response from the art museum

i was well pleased with this.

Dear Ms. [last name deleted],

I am the Director of Visitor Services at the Philadelphia Museum of Art and I am writing in response to your recent email about your friend's experience. We work hard to ensure all of our visitors have a pleasant experience and are upset when we fall short of that goal. I can only imagine your friend's frustration and concern when she was told that she could not breastfeed her baby within the gallery. I assure you that is not our policy. The Museum is fully aware of the ordinance that permits women to feed their children wherever they wish. This ordinance is reviewed with all of our staff and security personnel during their training. It seems that in this case, this particular officer was not clear on the policy. I cannot apologize enough on behalf of the Museum that your friend was put in that situation. We have reviewed this ordinance in subsequent line up meetings with all of our security officers as well as ensured that the class currently in training is clear on the policy.

Ms. [last name deleted], I am a mother of three and I know and understand how difficult it can be for mothers who choose to breastfeed their children and then have to deal with criticism from those around them. We take pride in welcoming families to the Museum in hopes that our young visitors will continue to explore the Museum, as they grow older. We would not want anything to hinder that relationship.

Thank you for bringing your concerns to our attention. We look forward to welcoming you and your friend back in the future.

Sincerely,
[name deleted]
Director of Visitor Services
Philadelphia Museum of Art

what i've heard so far:

Thank you for applying for a position at the Philadelphia Museum of Art
using electronic mail. It is not necessary to send a hard copy of your
resume. We are currently reviewing resumes and will contact you for an
interview if your background and qualifications closely match the needs of
the department. All resumes will be considered for one year.

We appreciate your interest in the Museum.

Human Resources Department
Philadelphia Museum of Art

(i sent my letter to info@, visitor services, human resources, development, and the women's committee [whatever that is ... rich white ladies from chestnut hill, no doubt]. this is what i received from hr. do they even read their emails??)

breastfeeding at the philadelphia museum of art

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a long-standing member of the Art Museum, and I am planning to make an additional contribution toward the effort to keep "The Gross Clinic" in Philadelphia. The Art Museum is one of my favorite places in the City, and my children and I are frequent visitors.

I am also a breastfeeding mother, a La Leche League leader, a member of the Philadelphia Breastfeeding Coalition, and an attorney. I was very disturbed recently to learn that a mother visiting the Museum was asked to move out of a gallery into a cold and drafty stairwell to breastfeed her infant.

Surely the Art Museum is aware that Philadelphia City Ordinance 1996 Amends Section 9-1105 of the Fair Practices Code, making it an unlawful public accommodations practice to prohibit a breastfeeding mother from, or segregate a breastfeeding mother within, any public accommodation where she would otherwise be authorized to be, whether or not the nipple of the mother's breast is covered during or incidental to breastfeeding.

I feel certain that the Art Museum does not have a policy on breastfeeding in public that knowingly puts it in violation of the Fair Practices Code. Therefore, I am assuming that this unfortunate incident occurred because the Museum has not adequately trained its employees about the Museum's legal obligation to allow mothers to breastfeed anywhere they please in the Museum.

If you have already implemented such a training program, please let me know so that I can rest assured that the Museum is in compliance with the law and supports breastfeeding mothers and their children. If you have not already implemented such a program, please let me know how I can be helpful in that regard. I would be very happy to put you in touch with attorneys and lactation educators who could not only inform your employees of the rights of breastfeeding mothers, but also the overwhelming public health benefits that accrue from the public support of breastfeeding.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Marta [last name deleted]



"Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat what they produce... have sons and daughters .... seek the welfare of the city ... for in its welfare you will find your welfare."

Jeremiah 29:6-7

bad la leche league leader!

i went to the regional la leche league conference on friday night and saturday, and was completely and unapologetically self-indulgent! i booked a hotel room by myself on friday night, even though i could easily have left my house saturday morning at 6:30 a.m. and arrived in plenty of time for the first session. then, i shamelessly skipped all the leader meetings/celebrations (lll is 50 years old this year) and instead stayed in my room, eating junk food from the vending machine, drinking wine, watching csi and law and order reruns, and knitting. i slept for eight uninterrupted hours, had breakfast delivered to my room, went to four really interesting sessions, talked to almost no one but the one phila co-leader who was at the conference (and whom i really like), and then left. bliss.

i have to admit that the leaders at the eastern pennsylvania la leache league conference sort of scare me. have you ever heard the joke about how pennsylvania has philadelphia on one end, pittsburgh on the other, and alabama in the middle? yeah. like that. when i went to the conference two years ago, just before the 2004 election, the hotel parking lot was a sea of george bush bumper stickers. i kid you not.

i am very ambivalent about la leche league. and not just because the (catholic homeschooling mom of six, not to stereotype or anything) mid-penna leader in charge of leader applicants at the time i applied gave me a hugely hard time. apparently being a lesbian and an adoptive mom makes one categorically suspect when it comes to leadership. but that's not the main source of my ambivalence (just a lot of bitterness, lol!) -- maybe i'll blog about that more some other time. still and all, becoming a leader seemed to me at the time -- and still does, to be honest -- the best way to prepare for the sort of breastfeeding advocacy that i think may become my career someday. and going to the sorts of sessions i went to saturday confirms that for me; they were awsome, and the ibclc's (international board certified lactation consultants) who led those sessions -- lll leaders all of them, some for 35 or 40 years -- were truly inspiring.

still, no apologies for holing away in my hotel room and knitting! it was just what i needed, and i think i shall do it more often.